Today we met with a different ultrasound technician, as well as a new doctor to go over the findings of the ultrasound. At first, this ultrasound tech didn’t say much, and made me miss the really awesome tech we’d seen the last two times who explained what she was looking at, but after some time, she warmed up and was more talkative and wonderful too. Basically, I can pick out the heart, the limbs, spine, and the brain... but anything else I need to have explained to me what we’re looking at. It’s just a bunch of gray and white fuzz to me. I like having multiple sets of eyes looking at ultrasound images because it’s so vague and fuzzy in there, and depending on how wiggly Annelise is at the time, they’ve had slightly different opinions about what they see, so it’s interesting to hear them discuss. The things they all agree on though, are that she still does have a problem in the wall between the two bottom chambers of her heart, which is relatively common they say, and also some Spina Bifida, although at this point, they don’t think it’s very major, although it would still be an issue they would need to fix right away if they can after she is born. I almost went back and deleted the “if they can” from the last sentence. I have different perspectives on the same statement. I want to remove it because it seems pessimistic, and why invite negativity into my hopes and dreams for this loved and important baby of ours? On the other hand, I want to be realistic, and we’re up against a lot of health challenges here... the major relationship of her heart and lungs is expected to be her biggest hurdle, and there’s no way to know how she will do until she is born and starts to breathe. I’m reminded too that I’ll be considered lucky to meet her alive after she’s born. If she does make it to birth and beyond, I want to be realistic enough to know and feel in that moment how lucky I will be to have that time with our girl! I felt so lucky to get to watch her move around in the ultrasound today for more than a half hour. She clasped her little hands together and was super wiggly. I’m told because of the placement of my placenta, her kicks are getting muffled by the placenta, so I probably shouldn’t expect to feel her kick for a few more weeks. I’m thankful to have a good reason for not feeling her... I was beginning to have anxiety about not feeling her movements, and was so excited to see her little heart beating today! No new issues were found today, thankfully. She’s measuring at 2 weeks behind in growth. Babies with trisomy 18 are often very small. The goal is to keep her happy in the womb as long as possible so she can grow as much as possible, to have the best chance outside the womb as possible.
The next ultrasound is scheduled for 3/14. They’ll check how she’s growing again... and I also get to do normal pregnancy stuff too! Like the glucose test😝! I have not heard great things about that experience. I wonder, if it’s so gross, why nobody has invented an Oreo flavor to make people more excited to participate!
I’ve gotten a lot out of writing this blog. Sometimes without even getting the chance to write it down, thinking about how I would describe a thought or feeling in the blog has been really therapeutic as far as helping me process my thoughts. One thing I can’t NOT share though is what happened yesterday. I’ve shared about how this journey has brought a peace during the scary times that I know is because I asked the Lord to share His peace, and that it has been so amazing to know that people I don’t even know are praying for us through this season! It has been amazing the way that God has provided people who reach out with a hello or encouragement at seemingly just the right time, or tangible arms to hug, or just the freedom to bring whatever feelings I have at the moment and be heard by friends who know they can’t and don’t need to fix it, they just feel with me. Well yesterday, I was contacted by friends who have friends who connected me to a young lady who’s also pregnant, 20 weeks along, with a baby with Trisomy 18! I felt an immediate connection to her situation, and wasn’t sure how, but if I could be, I knew I wanted to know this girl more and share the good parts and understand the scary parts in a way that is only possible for me to understand now, because I’m actually at the same point in pregnancy as she. We ended up talking on the phone, shared our stories, and I hung up feeling so amazed at seeing the Lord orchestrate a meeting between two people who didn’t have much else in common other than the same people were praying for both of us. I had been having anxiety about the upcoming ultrasound, but being so near to God working, reminded me that He’s right there, and He works for our good... which reminded me to recognize that He does that even when I don’t see it as obviously laid out for me as a telephone appointment was yesterday. If you’re praying with me, please also lift up Hannah, that she experience the peace that goes beyond understanding. It’s amazing to know that God is big enough for all of our hurts all the time. My aha moment this week was the realization that even though God already knows what’s going to happen, He wants to hear our prayers, hopes, and dreams. He actually wants us to tell Him, He doesn’t just tolerate us asking for things. Hannah named her sweet baby girl, Athena.
Onward to the next 3 week stretch of growing!
