The New High Risk OB

Kevin and I went to meet the new high risk OB that we transferred care to yesterday.  I’m so thankful that Kevin was able to take some time off of work to meet the doctor with me.  At the beginning of the pregnancy, we were just going to have him take off work for the “big” appointments with ultrasounds and fun stuff... but now, with so many unknowns about Annelise’s future well-being, and the scary reality that many babies with Trisomy 18 die in the womb, I need him there physically next to me for the moments when the doctor is checking for her heartbeat.  The great news is that she’s in there with her beautiful little heart beating away! 💗

I didn’t have any idea who my new OB would be.  The office had put me on hold a couple of times to try and work out an appointment time for me, and let me know they were making accommodations for me in the schedule since I had already been a patient at the office for the genetic counselor and nuchal translucency ultrasound.  I didn’t ask for any details, I was just glad to have an appointment scheduled quickly.  I didn’t think too much about who the OB would be, I had chosen the first OB blindly, solely based on their availability and willingness to get an early ultrasound before Thanksgiving so we could tell our family the good news that we’re expecting!
When the new OB walked in, I immediately recognized that I did in fact have expectations about who    a high risk OB is.... in my head, I expected an older man, or a female doctor.  But the young guy who walked in looking like he buys his clothes exclusively at the men's Express store, is in fact, the new high risk OB assigned to us and Annelise!  Have y’all watched Friends?  Do you remember that episode where Phoebe is trying to find a new doctor to deliver her babies because she doesn’t like the one weird doc who is obsessed with the Fonz?  The first impression with Dr. Day reminded me of that!😆



I needed a minute to get my mind wrapped around how I felt about having a young doctor, which means relatively new to the field, and without the life experience that an older doctor would have... I know I'm much more comfortable with women doctors... but I've never had an uncomfortable experience with a male doctor, because I've only happened to have women doctors in my adult life.  So my uncomfortableness is all in my head.  So I recognized that at this point, I know nothing about this doctor that would make up an actual reason to not see him.  I did what I always do when I get a little nervous and just started talking and talking.  I explained that he's not what I expected and it's taking some time to get used to so I just wanted to be upfront, but that I also recognize that any issues I have are about my expectations, and not about him as a professional.  He was kind and smiled and did not say too much about the issue, other than that I may ask to change doctors at any time.  But of course switching without having a real problem with him would make me feel like a giant turd.  So we moved on with the meeting!
He took a medical history, and told us what we already know about the statistics and Trisomy 18.  The reason that I think we will stay with him as a doctor is that right now, I don't know how he personally feels about parents carrying Trisomy 18 babies to term and giving them a chance at life.  (Just to clarify on the diagnosis, he stated that with the screening, plus the Omphalocele birth defect, they are expecting her to have full Trisomy 18... but she still hasn't been genetically diagnosed by her own chromosomes, just the chromosomes from the placenta).  I've read a bunch of blogs from parents of Trisomy 18 babies.  The blog stories range from worst to best case scenario, but so many of them felt pressured to have someone get rid of their babies before their babies' lives quit on their own... or DIDN'T quit in some amazing cases when they were carried to term, where the kids are 3 or 4-years-old today!  I really enjoy that our new doctor asked us what our goals are for this pregnancy, and when we explained that we understand the statistics, but also want to see what THIS baby girl will do, and what life THIS baby girl will have.  We understand that the medical professionals that have asked us if we would like to continue with the pregnancy are asking from a place they think is helpful.... but that is a silly question to us that we would like to never have to respond to again.  The doctor nodded his head while listening, and then said "ok, then let's talk about how we're going to care for this pregnancy".  And then after we finished talking, he offered to do a last minute surprise ultrasound.  This guy is good at building rapport!  In that instant, he was my favorite doctor!  Annelise was facing her butt toward the "camera".  So of course we'll have to wait another week until the 1/31, 10am ultrasound to see how her hands and feet are looking.  Babies with Trisomy 18 often have clenched fists and clubbed feet. 
I know now more than ever that God is doing and will continue to do big things through my daughter Annelise's life.  Our community of family and friends have been amazingly supportive just by stepping into what they know will not likely be a rainbow and sunshine conversation when they ask how we are doing.  Or just text a heart so we know we're being thought of.  Or send the link to an encouraging song that helps remind us we are not alone for a second.  It has been and incredible show of what Jesus' love can do through his people, even in the midst of their busy lives.  I didn't get the jitters before the last doctor's appointment and I'm sure it had to do with all the praying that is going on for this sweet girl's life in utero.  I'm becoming a new person just by getting used to not being able to tell the future.  Not that I ever could at all... but I spent the last 8 years at a job learning how to predict behavior of children and uncover reasons for their behavior.  Now I'm immersed in a situation as meaningful as my firstborn child, and I can't predict what will happen, nor do I know why this is all happening in such a crazy way.  After I work myself into a frenzy with all of the information I gather about expected outcomes, it's nice to wind down and recognize that this daughter of ours belongs first to the Lord, and next she belongs to us.  I'm fervently at his feet letting him know how much we want to love here here and see her grow.  I love to recognize that I was made on purpose, and as much as I love my unborn baby girl, God has a love for me as his daughter that is unfathomable, and I can find rest in that love during this season.