I am doing ok with the surgery... I had the expectation set for me that this would likely be part of our story at some point, but because it is due to infection, and not simply the shunt malfunctioning, we found out today that we will need to go through the whole round of antibiotics before they put a new shunt in. Makes sense, but that adds up to more WEEKS in the hospital. That hurts. That covers both Kevin and my birthday and the New Year's celebration. We have already been here for 2 full weeks. Just yuck.
There's something bothering me that I hope will leave my brain if I write about it. Kevin shared with me that he was talking with one of his co-workers about our sadness that 4 of the babies we were in Omaha with have passed away. The coworkers response was "well you kinda knew that was going to happen, didn't you?" I need to stop and say how amazing the people Kevin works with have been. Absolutely fantastic folks who obviously care about him as a person as well as an employee... and I don't think this particular co-worker meant anything hurtful by his comment... it speaks to the world view that we've been trying to shake off of her story.... the thought that all of this heartache could/should have been avoided.... and that it was up to us, we had the opportunity to keep this from happening by not letting her grow to experience the bad part of life. The comment aluded that we shouldn't be as upset about our trials, because we chose this path. I have let myself feel this way too, even without the mention from an outside source... so I think that's why this man's comment sticks with me.
It pokes at a part of unrest within me. Bigger picture though, is that it sounds great in theory to have been able to avoid this hardship for Annelise, but to do that, I would have taken from her the good parts of life for herself too... mainly snuggles with Dad and her unicorn lights right now... I also would have taken the gift of knowing her from our friends and family, and ultimately would have not treated her life as the treasure that God says she is. Her worth has been given to her by the Lord creating her in the first place, no matter how long or short her life on earth ends up being.
Finding words for my feelings has helped, and as I write this, her nurses and RT's have been doting on her, and marveling at her cuteness. We haven't been nudged, as some of our friends are, by any medical professionals to reconsider the interventions we desire for her medical care. I feel very fortunate, despite not having a place for early heart repair, that we have come back to this hospital where she is valued as a whole person in the PICU.❤
We are stiiiiiill waiting for our time slot to be confirmed for the OR. I'm considering doing her 6 month photo shoot now while she's easy to move around....yup, that will make for a good time passing activity. Stay tuned for photos!
No comments:
Post a Comment